swamped by a great many & nothing at all

7. ledna 2015 v 19:16 | E. |  journal

Hah. 2015. No Christmas tree on fire. No big dramas to overcome. A good start indeed.

Alright, I thought this might be a good way to express my inner thoughts without sounding particularly stupid, and since no one really goes here (me included actually, but obviously I'll manage to resolve that), it won't bother anyone etc and at least there will be a trace of what I had in mind, and five years from now I'll be able to say "I'm not this person anymore, look how nuts she was". And I'll feel bad but somehow it will be part of the process of human evolution, which is natural. So here we are. Me, flooding you with unnecessary details about my life. Won't describe every second of it, but still.



So, I woke up this morning and was overwhelmed by this insane terror about college applications. Seriously, there are so many things you need to handle at this moment (saying I already got my A-levels so no need to worry about that on top of THAT) - online registrations, documents to send, deadlines to bear in mind, SCIO scores, SCIO dates, admission exams.. personally I'm also dealing with a funny thing called the "A-levels recognition" (nostrification) in the Czech Republic as I passed it in France. It's even better when you have absolutely no idea about what to do next year. What shall I do? Let's see, I got a BAC L, that's like a literary-slash-languages-specialized maturita exam (an ordinary gymnasium-slash-high-school, I point out), so naturally I'm not tempted to study sciences. But that's kinda the only indication I have. I tried law at University of Orléans this September, and it sucked, but it was in wrong time, wrong place, wrong circumstances.. so I don't really blame law, I blame France. Just kidding. :D I blame.. not sure, I guess I blame the teachers we had to deal with, and terrorizing classmates that constantly extended their library books' terms so that other students won't be able to get their essays done. And that ad infinitum.

So, I'm rethinking about law (Prague, Brno), then there's something called the International territorial studies, which sounds quite interesting, but as we know, one can be never sure. Or you can study international relations, communications and mass media, PR and marketing, but I'm having problems imagining myself in any of these fields. Or I'm simply not the right person for visualising the future. I mean, I can't imagine myself, anywhere. That's a bit worrying. Nevermind. Enough of stressing school information. I guess I'll end up somewhere. Although, a strange thing happened yesterday - I applied for a University in Sweden :D, it's a Human Right course programme. I already though about it earlier this year - well, last year - as things were screwing up in France, I knew that Malmo University is one of the most prestigious ones in Sweden and in view of the fact that I am a perfectionist in a way - I need to prove myself I can do terrifyingly hard studies (yes, I love to consider myself as a smart ass), but I also want to find something stable, motivating, possibly providing cash in the future. :D It's exciting to go abroad, I spent two and a half year in France and for most of the time it was pretty amazing, but then you realize that you're kind of isolated, far away from everything familiar, and it gets.. less awesome.

And, of course, you can feel free to leave the country when there's no attachments. I mean, sure, your family's always going to miss you, that's an attachment, a true bond, but I was rather talking about work contracts, college obligations, being in love.. :) What I'm about to say will surely sound pathetic-slash-cliché-something to some of you guys, but imagining myself in (let's say) Sweden, far away from him.. yeah, that literally hurts. So I guess I'm stuck in the Czech Republic :D , but I don't see it as a limitation, it's a way to.. I don't know, feel twice as happy as usual ? , and being happy seems like a good reason to do something. And there's always an opportunity to leave and I left and then I came back and now I feel like I can have a minute for my own, a calm one. Me being free my own way. That's all for the complicated part.

For the less complicated part, (to ease things up, hah, and for I have a right to feel young) my "he" is not responding to my text. Annoying. Should I text him again, as I see him log in on Facebook? No way. It's a funny thing about women that they, as a matter of principle, refuse to write someone as first, always waiting to hear from him without somehow forcing him/explaining him that he should actually text them. I guess men don't get it, they mean no harm, they're simply men. I know that and I know I shouldn't be spending time being mad at him, that's ridiculous, right? And still, somehow I can't force myself to write him a message. And he'll text me eventually and I'll be like "oh, he's missing his drug at last", and all will be forgotten. So much about getting women.


Oh, he just texted me..
Well, there's still hope for men(kind)! ;) And some rough wild sex on Friday. :P

Take care,

E.
 

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